How I Asked Strangers to Let Me Stay in Overnight

This is what essentially Couchsurfing about.

Back in January-February of 2016, I was making a round across Western Europe with one-week travel through the towns of Cabo Verde in between. The only affordable way back from Cabo Verde to Minsk was through Lisbon, then Eindhoven and then Vilnius. So without further search, I’ve bought the tickets and started to look for accommodations.

The accommodation is Lisbon was always very affordable. Even when there is a carnival or a social event, finding a nice and cheap hostel is not a problem.

In Vilnius, I wasn’t going to stay at all, since the train to Minsk was departing in 3 hours after the plane arrives.

Suddenly I’ve figured out that Eindhoven didn’t have anything below 100 euros per night. Can you imagine? One freaking hundred euros! For what? For one bed for one night!

Nevertheless, the tickets had already been bought and I had to deal with it somehow. Luckily I’ve heard a lot about Couchsurfing, although haven’t tried it before. But it seemed the only way. I’ve also realized that it would really be nice experience to meet somebody from the locals. Indeed, a cool authentic trip. So I’ve registered on the site and started searching.

The first thing I’ve figured out is that I don’t know what Couchsurfing is really about. Well, yes, I’ve read 10-20 posts on WordPress by tag CouchSurfing, all from young women, said Couchsurfing is easy. I’d rather say it’s easy when you’re a nice young girl.

So, getting information from WordPress didn’t help and I’ve started my own attempts. I’ve registered on the site, filled the info fields and started looking for the hosts.

The first host whom I wrote was a small young family. I wrote something like this:


We are blah blah from blah blah. We like travelling and always try to travel as much a possible.

We like meeting new people and are always happy to get acquainted with somebody. Blah blah, *a funny story about meeting people in some of the travels*.

We haven’t tried Couchsurfing before, but we’d like to try, because staying with somebody is always more interesting than staying in a hotel. Blah blah blah, some words of appreciation.

In a day, I’ve got a refuse message saying they can’t accommodate us.

I’ve gone on with writing basically the same request to one more guy. I’ve got declined in a day because he’s going on a journey and will be out of the town.

After getting two declines I’ve decided to rethink the strategy of sending requests. I’ve pointed out that I basically have two problems:

  • My profile info is probably too boring / not interesting for the hosts to read;
  • My request messages doesn’t contain what the hosts probably want to see;

So I’ve decided to change the couch request a bit in order to ensure that we will be good guests. The next one looked like this:

Hi (name),

We are blah blah from blah blah. We like travelling and always try to travel as much as possible. We are students and study in blah blah.

We like meeting new people and are always happy to get acquainted with somebody. Blah blah, *a funny story about meeting people in some of the travels*.

We haven’t tried Couchsurfing before, but we’d like to try, because staying with somebody is always more interesting than staying in a hotel. Blah blah blah, some words of appreciation.

We don’t drink/smoke, blah blah we will be good guests.

I’ve got once more refused with this message in about a day.

Then I’ve tried the similar request for one more guy and didn’t get neither accept nor refuse message. I’ve waited for a few days, and then wrote a message with a content like “It seems you can’t accept us, so I think we should better ask somebody else”. After that I’ve quickly got an answer “Yes, good luck with your searches”.

Something wasn’t right, so I’ve started to think about refusal reasons again.

Last time, I’ve changed my couch request. This time I’ve decided to change both, my profile info and my couch request.

The issue with the profile info was that it was shorter than average and perhaps it was boring. So I wrote more about my hobbies and thoughts.

Eventually, I’ve figured out what good couch request really is. The point of Couchsurfing is to make the journey more authentic and more adventurous. Moreover, local people can always help you. Maybe they can’t accommodate you, but they can provide you with information about what’s happening in the city and what interesting places which you can’t find in the guidebook are there.

So the couch request should reflect the fact that you do understand it. I wrote something like this:

Hello (name),

We are blah blah from blah blah. We like meeting new people and seeing new place. We don’t only want to make yet another photos from the guidebooks, so we want to stay with you.  We’re open-minded persons, and we would be happy to talk with you or to help you with something.

We understand that probably you have your own plans and can’t accommodate us. It is OK. In this case, maybe you could tell about not well-known interesting places in the town. It is always nice to hear about the town from somebody who lives there.

That was it. At first, we were describing why do we want to stay with this person. At second, in this message we are stating that we are ready to get the refusal (so we’re not perfect, it is perfectly fine not to like us). At third, even if we get a refusal, we also get some information about the city which is very useful.

And it really was better. We were very lucky and a host Bertie accepted out request. That was really nice, and completely “worth it” experience. We lived in a quiet and nice old living district. Bertie met us at home and we’ve had tea and nice talks. We’ve then left for a walk, and had interesting talks in the evening too. When I’ve asked her why does she like Couchsurfing, the answer was simply “It’s always nice to have guests”. I am really grateful to her.

In the morning we’ve said “thank you” words and “good-bye” and left to continue the journey. It was a nice first experience of Couchsurfing.

Summing it all up, I’ve learned a few things:

  • It’s OK to get 5-10 refuses before somebody accepts your couch request.
  • Whenever you write the request, do reflect that you’re ready to get it declined, but ask for interesting places. Afterall, the main purpose of Couchsurfing is to let people met locals and enable them to see the places which are not well-known for the travellers.
  • Bring gifts for your hosts 🙂

Feel free to share your own Сouchsufring experiences in the comments! What is your couch request usually? What kind of guests do you want to accommodate?


4 thoughts on “How I Asked Strangers to Let Me Stay in Overnight”

  1. Hey man, thanks for liking my post, which led me to your blog and this nice CouchSurfing experience. Great! I am also a CouchSurfer myself and I won’t go through all experiences but I was also luck the first time. I am happy you did not give up. CS can be a really great experience and show you that there are still good people with open hearts in this cruel world. It’s crazy how people can just trust strangers like that. I once accepted a guy in my place when I was on holidays so I left the key under the carpet and he stayed there and till today I never met him 🙂 we are good friends though, we just never met.

    Now a few hints. Don’t worry if you were declined a lot. Basically you are a stranger and even you are a good person with good values the other person doesn’t know it. You know Internet is very easy to fake, unfortunately. But all you can do is make you profile look great by doing this:

    – fill in your basic informations and mainly what you like to do and why. You can find people with same interests;
    – put recent pictures of you, traveling or doing your hobby you mentioned above;
    – you can also put pics at work, pics with your friends, and now pic with the girl who hosted you. A first experience is very important, because now people will look at her recommendation and click on her profile to see if she is really telling the truth.

    CS is all about trust and chain. When you get this rolling ppl just look how many positive recommendations you have and accept you with no fear.
    – you can improve and get good recommendations by meeting other CSrs during your travels. There are always meetings or events happening in the city you are. This can be really great and no one has to host anybody … There you meet good people and they see you are real and write you a good recommendation so you build your trust with others …
    – when I had zero recommendations I asked the guy why he decided to accept me (he invited me btw) he told me because I had a picture of my mom and dad there.
    – also advertise on the group of the city that your traveling by, sometimes they invite you without you even ask. And these are the best experiences.

    Well if you want to find me there, my name is João Patrocinio. I hope this was helpful 🙂 good luck my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow!

      Thank you very much for such comprehensive answer! It is indeed really cool experience. Honestly, I didn’t know that even little things can play deciding role when someone decides whether to accept you or not.

      I plan to go on with CouchSurfing, especially when visiting the countries that may be dangerous. It is very important not to be left alone.


      1. Yes it does. Normally it comes down to trust. And since you have a brand new profile it takes time for people to give you credit. Some people are very careful and others are more “crazy” or risky when inviting new travelers. I was lucky that the first guy who hosted me was a journalist and had hundred of good recommendations so nobody really reads it anymore. So people read his recommendation on mine and then open his profile to see how trustful is his word. Then they see those hundred positive comments and then they think: hmm most probably I am a nice guy, so they gave me a chance and another chance, etc. Today I don’t have so many but still have a few good ones that is enough for people to be sure that I am real and respectful. Unfortunately there are bad people everywhere so some people take advantage of CS or don’t understand the idea about it. I also recommend one thing. Always write with them on there, until you meet them. Don’t go whatsapp or email. Because if something goes wrong the CS security department can read everything and you are safe. Once CS advised me to look for another couch because they banned the profile of this guy who was supposed to host me, so there are administrative people controlling it to maintain the safety of others.

        My friend from Hungary goes to many countries like Nigeria for example where many people would be worried but she met the most kind people there. So it’s what you make of it really. You will be fine 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love hearing couch surfing stories! I have never been a guest through couch surf, but I have hosted a few people myself. The overall experience was beautiful! I now have 3 friends in Ireland, and knowing that is a blessing!

    It was really neat to meet strangers in this setting. In today’s world it usually takes a few moments, a couple mugs of coffee, and a hug or two to gain trust… however, with couch surfing there is a level of trust already made (through the site and the willing people). I found it refreshing!


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